2008 Feb 06

As someone who engages in the activity of playing video games, it would be hypocritical of me to judge you for believing that video games are an engaging activity. But I'm probably going to judge you anyway. It's just my way. [more...]

A Vote For Nobody Is A Vote For Canada

2006 Jan 19

There are three major federal political parties in Canada, and a metric dozen of additional parties. None of them have ever really deserved my vote, and this time around none of them are going to get it. [more...]

It Was The Best Of List, It Was The Worst Of List

2006 Jan 05

Everyone else is writing about their favorite and least favorite films of the year, so why not me? A few films in 2005 gave me hours of thoughtful and exciting entertainment. And a few gave me hives. [more...]

I Have To Write A Novel

2005 Dec 14

I have a deadline. A big deadline. An all capitals BIG DEADLINE that looms. It LOOMS. It blocks the sun. It has gravity. It probably has storm troopers. And most worrying of all, it ticks. [more...]

Klaatu Barada Knock-Knock

2005 Jan 24

I cocked an ear toward the Sounds of Titan page at the European Space Agency web site. It's cool to hear sounds from another world, but the choice of sounds is a stellar waste. [more...]

You'd Better Not Pout, I'm Telling You Lies

2004 Dec 30

Some people believe oil companies are surpressing cars that run on banana peels. Some people believe aliens travel hundreds of billions of miles to gang-probe rural bumpkins. It occurs to me that some people believe a whole hell of a lot of nonsense, and I blame Santa. [more...]

The Denim And Daniel Webster

2004 Dec 09

The most invasive and annoying internet ad I have ever seen came from Diesel Jeans. It was on the Hint Magazine site, which is full of bad code and reader-hating practices. Clearly Hint needs a clue, and Diesel needs a zipper accident. [more...]

Clackety Clack, Don't Type Back

2004 Oct 17

With my net connection down for the night I turned to my Apple IIe computer for a bit of 8-bit fun. I was surprised to note how satisfying the CLACK of the keyboard was. So now I must ask my PowerBook's mushy keyboard to eat my words... [more...]

Give Them A Card And Show Them The Door

2004 Sep 23

One of the local shops I used to frequent for DVD purchasing was the main Sunrise Music store downtown. But Sunrise lost my business because their rewards card became a punishment every time I left it at home. [more...]

Free Your Mind, And The Music Will Follow

2004 Sep 10

Oh Real Networks, you silly thing. You state in your most recent press release that you've sold a "record 3 million songs" during your three-week music sale. And that wasn't a lie. Oh no. Not at all. [more...]

Jack Be Nimble, But He Don't Be So Quick

2004 Sep 03

Engadget recently interviewed Jack "up against the wall, punk" Valenti, the soon-to-be-former head of the Motion Picture Association of America and best known to many of you as the name on top of the subpoena your grandmother received last week. [more...]

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

2004 Aug 11

A lot of shoe shops have recently opened just down the street from where I live. What's unique about these shoe shops is that each one is run by a former web designer. Not surprisingly, most of these stores were mind bogglingly awkward--if not impossible--to shop in. [more...]

Permanent Copyrights Are Goofy(tm)

2004 Jul 14

I'm told copyright is an essential part of ensuring artists can benefit from their work. I'm in favor of that. But the well of public domain material is just as important to a flourishing artistic community. It seems evident that a fixed and limited term of copyright is the best for everyone. [more...]

Make The Tunelubbers Walk The Plank

2004 Jun 19

The RIAA have forced Verizon to hand over the names of people suspected of pirating music. I'm not going to rant about privacy issues, because my stance on internet privacy has always been a simple one: there isn't any, get over it. [more...]

We Stand On Guard For Tea

2004 May 18

I'm setting the Wayback Machine to July of 1999 to give you a copy of a column I wrote for a budding Canadian Macintosh magazine. The magazine quickly became a non-success, and only one issue made the newsstands. I was the guy writing the obligatory back page humor column, called Shut Down, and you'll see that this was back when I still used Canadian spellings with all their quirky extra vowels. [more...]

PETA Piper Picked A Peck Of Pesky Peabrains

2004 May 05

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, is a cult that was founded by Ingrid Newkirk, who is still their cult leader. There are about 750,000 members of PETA worldwide. Today's topic is "PETA are anti-human hipocrits." Discuss. [more...]

You Are An Atheist, You Just Don't Know It Yet

2004 Apr 16

Two times in two weeks I've had a conversation with friends about agnosticism. Both friends--one a rational, intelligent person and another one who...doesn't read this column--claimed to be agnostic when asked the very, very loaded question "Do you believe in God?" [more...]

Is The Tank Half Full Or Half Empty?

2004 Apr 14

I hate my car. Or more accurately, my car hates me and I choose to return its affection. It's a 2003 Cheverolet Cavalier which I purchased because my brother in law is a Chev salesperson and discounts are yay. [more...]

I've Got Three Thumbs Up Already

2004 Mar 24

As I sit here downloading some Rush tunes I don't want (Canadian content laws dictate that I must illegally download one Canadian song for every ten other songs I illegally download) I've been trying to decide which movie to go see. As usual, I'm voyeuristically drawn to online movie reviews posted by my fellow film fans. [more...]

Sedna The Clowns

2004 Mar 17

Astronomers at Caltech's Palomar Observatory have found what might be our solar system's most distant object, and they've named it Sedna after an Inuit goddess whose public relations firm claims she created the sea creatures of the Arctic. [more...]

Attack Of The 50' Melanie Griffith

2004 Mar 10

I'd heard about a romantic comedy called Milk & Money. The plot synopsis made it sound quirky and fun. So while I was at a DVD shop I frequent I added it to the list of movies I was ordering. I didn't know anything else about the movie except the basic plot, but I was in an impulsive shopping mood. [more...]

Inelegant Decline

2004 Mar 03

With at least one person having been smote while watching the movie The Passion Of The Christ, you probably think I won't be able to resist making this week's column into a gentle poke at religion. And you'd be right. [more...]

Shrinking Priorities

2004 Feb 25

Just last week I wrote about how I knew we were living in a Science Fiction Atomic Age because of the automation technology we put into remote public washrooms. Then I made the simple, common sense request that we take some people off the urinal motion sensor projects and put them on the jetpack projects. It seems some of you took that too literally. [more...]

The Future Is Flush With Promise

2004 Feb 18

I remember the exact moment that I realized I was living in the future. Not just some boring old normal future, but a real science fiction Atomic Age future like something from a 1950's movie poster telling me to SEE the city in the clouds and HEAR the roar of jetpack engines. [more...]

Rhymes With Mucous

2004 Feb 11

George Lucas finally announced that he'll be releasing the original Star Wars trilogy on DVD. To me this is an exciting development. It's exciting because I'm very interested in language and as far as I can tell this is an original use of the word "original." [more...]

640K Really Was Enough After All

2004 Jan 28

The Macintosh computer turned twenty years old this week. I'm a fan of Macs, if only because they let me feel smugly superior when I talk to Windows users. That, plus I've noticed the good guys use Macs in movies while the bad guys use PCs, and I know what color my cowboy hat is. [more...]

Do You Copy?

2004 Jan 21

I used to be all for human cloning. I knew the difference between cloning and photocopying, and I understood the simple concept that cloning somebody produces a "genetically identical" person rather than an "entirely identical" person. It was fun taking the rational side of the debate. But those days are over. [more...]

You'd Better Shop Around

2004 Jan 14

Romantic comedy is the genre of movies that begin with a helicopter shot of the New York city skyline and end with the formerly brusk man kissing the formerly aloof woman on a park bench. The middle bits don't matter too much, but the bench is important. [more...]

Apostrophe Now

2004 Jan 07

Welcome to the Internet. I see you're new here. Look around. Get comfortable. It's a big place, but most of it is friendly. Actually, most of it is trying to sell you something, but much of the rest of it is friendly. [more...]

Merry Santamas

2003 Dec 24

This past week I've often heard people lamenting the commercialization of holidays. (By "heard" I mean "overheard," and by "overheard" I mean "ninja crawled across the restaurant and eavesdropped from under their table.") I'm not quite sure what that means, but I've thought about it and here's what I've come up with. [more...]

by Carrington Vanston