For twenty years straight I wanted to go to the MacHack conference (lately known as ADHOC/MacHack). The timing of the event each year would invariably conflict with some supposedly important business item plopped onto my calendar by somebody else, so every single year I missed it.
And this year's event, now passed, was announced to be the last one. My seemingly endless stream of opportunities has run dry, and all I'm left with is the gasping fish of regret. Or some less terrible metaphor I'll hopefully edit in before posting this.
aside:
One more hope dashed.
end of aside
Clearly, my nil-for-twenty record means I wasn't trying very hard, but I'm feeling pestilent so I'd rather focus on my missed chances than taking responsibility. Besides, acknowledging that this is all my own fault takes all the fun out of feeling sorry for myself.
The regular attendees of this seminal event (MacHack, that is, not my self pity) are now posting their shiny conference memories in their own corners of the internet, and discussing what they'll miss most about MacHack. At least this is something I can take part in:
What I'll miss most about MacHack is my vague plan to attend. Every year I looked forward to the comfortable, familiar feeling of fooling myself into believing that I would actually go to MacHack. I think I'll miss my self delusion most of all.
And so I open, and just as quickly close, my wafer-thin MacHack scrapbook. Thanks for the memories. I mean, the memory.
2005 Aug 02 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "Little Black Mess" by Shivaree
Hidden band name idea: The Gasping Fish
###
I like the look of Apple's new and unfortunately named Mighty Mouse. I currently use the highly capable but unattractive Logitech MX500: it's so u-g-l-y that it don't got no alibi.
I have long wanted a better "wiggling clicker," as I believe the Dutch settlers originally called them, and I love that new scroll ball. Bring daddy a new toy.
The thing that prompted this post, however, was some text on Apple's site describing the fact that they've finally given in to popular demand for a multi-button mouse (to go with their operating system filled with contextual menus). It seems like Jobs couldn't resist getting one last dig in:
"Alas the fate of the one-button mouse in today's multibutton world. Who has time for intuitive, elegant design when there is so much clicking to do?"
When life gives you sour grapes, make grapenade.
2005 Aug 02 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "Daddy Buy Baby A Boobjob" by Andy Prieboy
Hidden band name idea: No Alibi
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Dove, the soapmongers who crow about their "beauty bars" containing 1/4 moisturizing cream (and presumably 3/4 something unsuitable for mention in advertisements), have a new marketing campaign called "Real Women Have Real Curves."
I'm all for the de-twiggifying of women's body goals, and I certainly support a frontal assault on ambling stick figures like Paris Hilton. But this so-called celebration of "real women with real bodies and real curves" is an ad campaign for, among other things, a cellulite firming cream.
I can accept that Dove wouldn't understand the inherent problem of a hawker of soap and deodorant promoting "real" bodies—real except for the smell, I suppose. After all, this is a company that uses marketing nonsense phrases like "essential nutrients cleansing pillows" without irony.
But now they're using a so-called Campaign For Real Beauty to sell more "intensive firming creams" and "anti-aging night creams," the hypocrites.
This is what it sounds like when Dove lies.
2005 Aug 09 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "Living Room" by Tegan & Sara
Hidden band name idea: Pillows Without Irony
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Everyone else seems eye-poppingly excited about the release on DVD of Gatchaman, also known as Battle of the Planets and G-Force here in North America.
I'm sure it's thrilling that the DVD set includes a bunch of episodes "never before seen" 'round these parts. But then again, for me there are a bunch of never before scene episodes in the original series because I didn't watch it.
I'm a nerd, and I was a young nerd at the time it was on TV. In particular I was a young nerd who liked (and likes) science fiction. So clearly I was the target market, but in my case it missed the target. There are very few things anime that have ever captured my fancy, and frankly G-Force just didn't do it.
Maybe it was the silly duck-like visors. Maybe it was the fact that I'd yet to accept anime's "quickly alternating background = motion" formula any more than I accepted it for Rocket Robin Hood. But whatever it was, G-Force wasn't something I'd scurry home to watch.
Then again, I still know all the words to the Star Blazers theme song. I am a complicated nerd, which I like to think makes me Shaft for the uncool.
I'm wrong, of course. But I like to think it anyway.
2005 Aug 10 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "Shop Around" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
Hidden band name idea: Fancy And Frankly
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Internet quizzed generally bore me. On rare occasions I take 'em when they're linked to by someone whose blog I read. In this case, Christie posted a graphic proclaiming herself to be a "Computer High-Geek."
This wasn't a surprise. She is one with her computers. She's an all-night bonder with her keyboard. But clearly this was a challenge!
I scurried off to the test page, clicked my way down the list, and discovered:
To quote the site:
Overall, you scored as follows:
- 0% scored higher (more computer geeky),
- 0% scored the same, and
- 100% scored lower (less geeky).
Compared to those in the same age group as you:
- 0% scored higher (more computer geeky),
- 0% scored the same, and
- 100% scored lower (less geeky).
What does this mean? Your computer geekiness is:
Step aside Bill Gates, Linus Torvalds, and Steve Jobs… You are by far the SUPREME COMPUTER GOD!!!
Was there any doubt? Oh no, my friends. Oh no indeed.
2005 Aug 10 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "The Man Mountain" by Bow Wow wow
Hidden band name idea: Step Aside Bill
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Two bad movies and one notable lunch. That was the weekend that was August 12 to 14, 2005.
Bad movie number one came on Friday night when I saw Must Love Dogs with Rachel. (Which is different than seeing Must Love Dogs With Rachel, although we did establish that she is firmly against the kicking of puppies.) I suppose the movie wasn't "bad" so much as "cliche even for a romantic comedy," and it did have cute moments even if they were phoned in by the leads. But overall the evening was only saved by the fact that Rachel is the best dressed girl in Toronto.
Bad movie number two came on Sunday, and there'll be no quibbling over the definition of bad this time: Broken Flowers is a real stinker. It's one of those "slice of life" movies that takes as its core philosophy the idea that answers need not be supplied. For anything. The movie is bad because of the following three reasons: (A) after two hours of plot hints and loose threads the credits suddenly roll with nothing resolved; (B) there is no need for (B) because of how annoying (A) is, so just go read (A) again; and (C): see (B). I saw this one with Alanna, and she was obviously so upset I dragged her away from staring at that Spanish Tennis Guy who beat Agassi that she punished me with her choice of film.
There was, however, a treat sandwiched between those unfortunate film choices, and it came in an unexpected place: Ikea. I took a short road trip with Tanya (she of Monster Feet Variety Show co-hosting fame) to the northern bounds of Toronto, and the jaunt included a visit to Ikea to pick up legs for a table she's making. While there we were overtaken by the Hunger Monster and we dared the in-store restaurant. The quiche was surprisingly edible for something so cheap, but the deserts were far less tasty than they appeared.
Oh, and I saw some birds on a pole:
I know this whole post probably seems very "teen angst blog," except with capital letters. The point though, and I do have one, was to bring me to this:
I find that I'm exceptionally aware of the first time I do anything. First lunch at Ikea, first walk home with someone, first time in a new cinema … even just first use of a new pen or a new mug. There's something about a first that makes my brain sit up and take notice.
I'm always game for trying food I've never eaten, or taking a road down which I've never pointed my car. It's not just about the new, it's the awareness of first. And it doesn't matter that I'm not the first person to do something, just that it's a first for me.
And that's why there's a photo of assembly-line cafeteria quiche on my blog today. For the first time, I might add.
2005 Aug 15 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "I Can't Be Sure" by The Sundays
Hidden band name idea: The Leads
###
Dan Beeston has wrapped up his Genesis 2 online comic series. If you agree that Intelligent Design is just Creationism with a pretty new bow (and that Creationism is a tart that can never be prettied up with just a bow) I urge you to read the series now.
aside:
If on the other hand you think Creationism is science, I urge you to lean into traffic and take one for the team.
end of aside
One of the best things that came out of my doing the Movie Punks comics way back when was that it led to me meeting Dan once when he ambled into Canada. A good fellow, and I was sad to read that F#$@ You, My Darling! will be wrapping up at the end of the year. It's amazing that a strip comprised of the same 16 images in rotation could contain so much fresh funny.
It's enough to bring a wistful smile to the face o' this former comic churner-outer who never learned to draw.
2005 Aug 16 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "Edge Of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks
Hidden band name idea: The Other Hand
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I'm hooked on the Beluga Cam from Marine Land in Niagara Falls. (Although "hooked" is probably a word that marine life ain't too keen on.)
Go watch those pale little whales swim and play. They're much more interesting than anything you'll find on my site.
2005 Aug 21 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "To Be Laughing" by Doug & The Slugs
Hidden band name idea: Little Whales
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Last Saturday I sunburned my lovely shaved dome. It was not a bad burn: I was only standing in the sun for about an hour watching my nephew's soccer game. But I'm a pale enough nerd that I need an SPF30 just to turn up the brightness on my monitor.
It was enough of a toasting that I had to slather my head in aloe to avoid peeling. I slathered on Sunday. I slathered on Monday. Then I left behind my slathering lifestyle in favor of less slatherous activities.
Yesterday, the peeling began. I think this is unfair. I had undergone 48 hours of aloe-slathering, and the redness had been gone for days. Why do I have a peel-waiting service, and how do I unsubscribe?
Today I'm shedding thin slices of derma like I'm being grated. I'm unfortunately not able to peel off a complete Carrington Head in one go, which would be cool and handy for Halloween. Instead I just get shavings of me.
I think I need to be buffed. (But that's nothing new.)
2005 Aug 25 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "L'il Ennio" by Belly
Hidden band name idea: The Peeling
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What's up with the milk in Toronto? Twice in a row, the milk I've bought has spoiled before its best-before date. It didn't curdle, but it clearly went "off" and I dumped the last half.
It was two different brands, bought in two different shops. The first was in bags, the second in a jug. Yet they both smelled stale and tasted awful days in advance of the date stamped on the side.
Funnily enough, three out of three people I've spoken to about this have all also said that their milk has recently turned too quickly.
Something's fishy in dairytown.
2005 Aug 26 // Link // E-mail
Song in my head: "Wrong 'Em Boyo" by The Clash
Hidden band name idea: In Bags
###
I don't know many girly-girls. I tend to date and befriend gals full of fire and unapologetic contradictions rather than the broken-wing type.
But every once in a while I'm reminded that even those who like kung-fu movies, who can drink me under the table, or who kill their own bugs (sometimes accompanied by a shouted combat motto) still generally have a softer side.
aside:
Drinking me under the table is not much of an achievement, by the way. I hold my liquor like the sky holds a stone.
end of aside
For instance, when my podcast co-host Linda took pity on this empty-fridge fellow and had me over for dinner last week, I spotted in her bathroom the most girly-girl thing I've seen in quite some time:
As if the fact that it's "warm vanilla sugar" soap isn't enough, it's also anti-bacterial. And moisturizing. And has Green Tea Extract. And Shea Butter, which while I don't know what it is I'm sure it contributes to the promised softening and soothing and richness of the lather.
That product is the result of a bet in the marketing department. I just know it.
